Welcome to the Jungle
by hatchlingpendragon
Summary: In which I apply gender-bending to a few characters we should know and hopefully love. Please enjoy.


Alright, alright, ease up, old chap. How had I precisely gotten into this predicament?

Well, I am, or was, on an expedition to find gorilla nests with Mum and Mr. Clayton. I got held up by a rather insolent baby baboon who had relatives. Relatives that, while I was in the right, mind you, were very adverse to my company. Naturally I ran like the devil, which is awfully difficult given the jungle terrain and that I only had this blasted cane instead of a machete. Why couldn't I have had a machete? Or a gun? 'Ammunition shortage' my foot, Mr. Clayton! Reached a cliff, of course I'd reached a cliff, and given the choice between broken bones or having my flesh torn from them by furious, insane primates, I chose broken bones.

That was where I had inexplicably discovered the capability of flight. Of course, that was impossible. So I looked up to discover this wild _thing _holding me by my belt, probably swinging on a vine, and naturally that's where everything went all to hell.

We were pursued by insane baboons, and the chase was rather hazy, but it involved a lot of swinging, falling, yelling (admittedly on my part) and screeching (not on my part, thank you), and mostly I remember holding on to this (rescuer?) with the passing, significant sensation of hair and human skin.

Shortly after that I discovered my rescuer was some equally insane beast, a _wild _woman, who bloody talked to monkeys. And she was naked.

Well, _half _naked, really. But she was definitely lacking in the clothing department... I got to appreciate this more after things cooled down with the rain, and we, well, essentially met properly. And it was...different, to say the least...

First off, she was half-naked. As in, only a loincloth around the...hips. And to date she has been my most intimate interaction with the female of the species. Not that I haven't had my share of female company. It's just, while a scientific mind intrigues the feminine society at first, they go for men with a more...brazen physique and outlook on life. Not someone who prefers books and biology in the medical and scientific senses.  
And goodness, when I compare _her_ figure to the medical drawings, those books did not do the real thing justice. . .

So, here I am, up in a tree, in the rain, with a half-naked woman, who evidently has no sense of personal space or shame. Her skin is dark, a darkness I'd compare to a native of India, and her facial features, though sharp, looked English around the bone structure. Her hair was thick, a brown almost black, and matted in dreads, and long enough to cover her...er, chest area... Her body was...lean, strong, and very much half-naked, for lack of a more decent term.  
Her eyes were the deepest green I'd seen, and her expression strange.

"Uh, y-yes, well, thank you for rescuing me, madam, but, uh, stay back, st-stay back... Er, that is my foot—_aaand those are my toes...!_"

Somehow I'd lost a shoe, and she was, well, inspecting my foot of all things. That was when I discovered I was ticklish.

It was when she'd started moving her hand up my trouser leg that I kicked her. I was quick to apologize, but it oddly didn't seem to deter her.

"S-sorry, sorry! Uh, no, no, st-stay away like a good wild girl, and, uh... My mum really wouldn't like this sort of thing with strange girls and, er...  
That is enough, madam!"

She had started touching my face, and I made to shove her away, but she'd grabbed my wrist instead, and was staring at a rip in the glove.

I seemed only able to watch as she took off the glove, and stared at my hand. The way she was looking at it were as if...as if...

Had she never seen a hand before?

She raised her own hand, a hand strangely crooked like one of a gorilla, and spread her hand against mine, palm to palm, straightening her fingers until the tips almost met with mine. The contrast of our skin was clear, but she seemed to look on the meeting with some sort of dawning reverence, and turned that open expression of reverence right to me, her eyes wider and looking hopeful. I swallowed.

Without warning, she slowly leaned forward, very close, and I found myself backing against the tree, "Uh..."

I felt her head rest against my chest, and I looked down, rather beside myself, probably gaping like the fool I was, "Er..."

After a moment she backed off and I found her hands taking the sides of my face, "Oh, dear."

She was pulling my face towards her, "Oh-h-h, dear."

Against her own...chest, ". . . _Urk_."

I push away quickly, before I could really _feel _anything, and slightly regretting doing so, "Uhm, y-yes, that's-that's, ha... Nice heartbeat.  
Very nice."

I'm straightening my collar, and the pin in it, thankfully hadn't lost that, when I hear her clear her throat, "Very nice..."

"Oh, thank you, I got it from the University after gradu—uh! Did you speak?!" I turn to her, blinking as she looks at me.

I laugh a bit, "And all this time I thought you were some sort of wild, uh, quiet-person-type-thing, huh!"

I turn to her properly, "Why didn't you tell me you could speak? Because I honestly would've liked to kn—hm!"

Fingertips against my mouth quickly shut me up and briefly but quickly remind me of my company's state of undress.  
She smells like broken leaves and rich earth.

I focus on her face, but she backs up and places hands near her...chest, grunting a bit before grinning, "Tarzan..."

She gestures again, "Ta-a-r-_zan_." Her voice is a bit lower than other women I've heard, a bit rough, but not unpleasant.

She leans into me with a jerk, smiling, giving a positive grunt. Her teeth are white. And straight. How on earth is that possible?

I stare, "Tarzan..." I carefully repeat.

She looks happy, does a funny little hop dance on the branch, and then leans in again, sounding much like a monkey.

I blink, "Oh, I see..." She wanted my name.

She grins, "Oh-I-see!"

She gestures to herself, "Tarzan," then puts her hands on my shoulders, smiling, "Oh-I-see!"

Ah, miscommunication. But this was _fascinating!_

I back up, sitting cross-legged as well as I can on this branch.

"No, no, no," I clear my throat, and gesture to myself, "I'm James." then gesture to her.

She mimics me (thank goodness for that loincloth) and tries to mimic my voice. I couldn't possibly sound that nasal.

"No, no, no," she repeats, watching me, "I'm James." She copied me right down to clearing the throat and gestures.

I fight back a laugh. No, try this again.

"No, no," I try again, gesturing to myself, "James." I touch her shoulder, keeping an eye on her face, her eyes, "Tarzan."

Myself, "James."

She touches me over where my hand touches my chest, looking into my own eyes, "James..."

I smile, "Exactly..."

We both look up when we hear the gunshot. That hunter's signal.

"Clayton!" I said, cheering up. Didn't sound too far away.

She, Tarzan, strange name, nimbly hops up, hanging off the branch by a vine, looking towards the sound when the gun barks out again.

"Clayton!" she repeats.

I look down at her, the rain's fading away, the sun's coming out, and here she is this...enigma, looking like the embodiment of a primeval human, completely at ease in the realm of all things savage. "Extraordinary..." I comment, then shake myself.

"Uh, yes," I manage, getting her attention, "Could you, could you please take me back to my camp?"  
I point to myself, then in the direction of the gunshot.

She grins up at me, then manages to make a sound like a gunshot. Incredible...

"Yes, to Clayton, fantastic!" I agree.

She clambers up to me then takes me up under the arms, urging me to the edge. I gulp, "Uh..."

I'm already hanging on around her shoulders, "Can...?!"

Too late, we're off, swinging from mere tree growths and flying through the air.

"Can't we _WAAAALK?!_"

"Can't we WAAAALK!" she whoops happily.

* * *

**Author's Note: **_Concerning the naming of Tarzan, I decided to keep the original. Evidently the meaning is 'white skin', which would've been fitting regardless of gender. That aside, one of the female gorillas was named 'Terk'.  
You would not believe how long I had thought that Terk was male.  
That is my reasoning. Reviews are appreciated. Thank you!_


End file.
